Why am I such an ass? How do I manage to turn something so beautiful into a huge catastrophic mess? How do I manage to hurt the one I love most more so than I ever hurt others? Why did I say the things I said? How could I be so wrong and not even know it at the time?

   All these questions and no answers. How could I let down someone I love so much? The person I cared about more than anyone else confided in me more than anyone else and I let her down. How could this be? Why did I react to the situation the way I did?

   I was her knight in shining armor, her savior. The answer to her life, and her escape from her pain. That was all I wanted to be too. I would have been content mopping floors, picking cans out of trash cans, or flipping burgers, being a walking cliche if she loved me and was proud of me. I would have been content as long as I made her happy.

   But now the one thing I cared most about is gone... Why? I don't know. I guess I am just one big let down. Losing her would not hurt so bad had I not hurt her before I lost her. Even more mind warping, I had no clue that I was being hurtful until I had already hurt her. I guess I just need to think more about things I do or say before I say or do it.

   Well, I am done complaining about my own fuck up now. Sorry everyone, just couldn't let my song go unsung. Have a nice day everyone.

   Well, this is my first blog, I hope this is atleast moderately interesting. I guess I will ramble on about random things, and where better to start than my current position? Alright, I fell in love with a woman who happens to be approximately 1,515 miles away from me. I want sooooo badly to be with this woman and I can't. Unfortunately, being a minor I require parental consent, which I will not get from my father.

   Why? It's a constant question pounding in my head. I honestly don't have an answer to that, it feels as though I am a burden to him...All we do is bicker with one another, why won't he let me go? Is it because misery loves company? Or is he just on a power trip? WHAT IS IT?!?!

   Anyway, I will be perfectly happy when I turn 18 and move to this woman that I am so deeply in love with. Umm, I recently began working in hardscape once again, which is the part of landscaping in which I would like to build a career. I enjoy building a set of stairs or a side-walk, so that I can look upon my lasting accomplishments and see that it is something that both adds functionabillity and beauty to an area. It gives me a sense of self-worth and success.

   My sister and brother in law are moving into this house where I currently live, and there is a baby on the way!! I can't wait to have a little neise around me... Constantly bugging the hell out of me while I am trying to do something or attempting to carry on an interesting conversation. Though my sister and I haven't been getting along very well lately, I still think it will be nice to have someone around to talk with and hang out with. Plus, her fiance isn't much older than I am, and we have a lot of similarities, which will be cool.

   I think I am going to conclude this. It was pretty fun typing randomness for strangers to read.... Or not read, I'm not sure how entertaining it will be for others to read this. Well, good night everyone.